Mediation is an ALTERNATIVE to Court
July 4, 2009 3:28pm

I have already talked on my mediation page about the mediation service I offer.  But if you are not use to doing divorce in Tulsa county, you would not know the type of mediation most practiced here. 


Mediation was originally developed as an “alternative dispute resolution”.  That means it was meant as an alternative to the divorce trial system.  It was meant to begin at the very beginning. But in Tulsa, mediation was built in like an afterthought in the divorce system.  It is something you go to towards the end of your case to see if you can settle it before you go to trial.  That puts a whole different slant on the mediation.


When the litigation method starts the divorce case, the spouses immediately take a back seat to the case.  Your trusted litigation attorneys take over.  Mediation is not their main emphasis.  Litigation is.  That is the way litigation attorneys are trained…to win, not compromise.   Mediation is done after much other work is done in your case.  Mediation may take up 2 hours of the maybe 20 hours your attorney will spend on your case. 


You will find the judges are very much for the mediation process, but they don’t see you until after you have hired an attorney. 


There is no one to prevent conflict when you start with litigation.  There is no one working on what may be the common interests of your family.   What is emphasized are the differences in the interests between you and your spouse.  So the conflict increases rather than decreases.


You can participate in mediation the way it was meant to be.  Start your separation in the mediation process.  You and your spouse can go to a mediator to start he divorce process and help you make agreements.  You can hire attorneys to give you legal advice in the mediation process either at the beginning, or at some time during the process, or maybe just for a couple of hours at the end of the process to look over your paperwork.


Mediaton does not have to be a second thought in your divorce.  It can be the main empahsis.  This helps keep the conflict down.  Conflict creates stress in you, and hurts your kids. 

Posted by Barbara Bartlett

Elder Mediation
May 23, 2009 4:01pm

A developing area for the use of mediation is to help families come together to assist a senior who can no longer be fully independent.  This is stressful for the senior because s/he has been independent and does not want to rely on others for assistance.  It is stressful on the adult children of these seniors not only because it signals the ageing of a parent, but also because there may be a difference of opinion on how best to help.  These areas of disagreement may be between the parent and the adult child, or between the siblings, or maybe even between the adult children and the seniors spouse.


Just like in any relationship, success thru this transition will begin with respect.  Everyone’s point of view, needs and interests deserve to be heard and respected.  The seniors’ desires need to be hornored until such a point it is not safe for the senior. 


When families need help navigating these waters, there is assistance for them.  There are mediators who can help these families keep the peace while safeguarding their parent.  Siblings don’t have to become divided in a time when they could come together. 


See the “Contact Us’ page for an appointment to fully discuss the possibilities on how mediation may help in your situation.

Posted by Barbara Bartlett
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